#26 Leaving California

I'm sitting in the middle of the chaos.

Our house no longer feels like home. There are a lot of suitcases and a lot of closed boxes, and so many loose ends that it looks like a camp of disorganized people. Falling asleep in the middle of this happens because we're completely melted. With just over 24 hours to go before we take off, we feel like we're watching the same movie from two years ago, but in reverse. And it's so hard and so beautiful that each one of us have cried our hearts out, and our hearts have been filled with the best of the daily record.

Before we reached this stage of saying goodbye, we had spent the last two months in a mix of intense professional, school, and sporting activities, fitting in all the events and programs with friends, and fulfilling the bucket list that we had prepared before leaving.

Maria was invited as part of the court for a friend's 15th birthday party, and we got to know what a "quinceañera" entails. Rehearsals for over a month, dressing up, and on the day of the birthday it looked like a mix of wedding, debutante party and teenage party, all mixed together.

Another new experience to add to the frenzy of this season.

At the end of the school year came the finals of all the sports, and the last shows of the year, the last tests, and more exams. At every stage, the certainty grew that the end of this experience was drawing closer. Every school year is intense. This was the most bittersweet yet.

With the awareness of the finiteness of this experience also comes the ability to enjoy anything and everything that comes along. In a rush, we bought tickets for the magnificent Jason Mraz and headed with friends to Palm Springs for a wonderful weekend at the California Desert Oasis. We loved it.

In the weeks at the end of the school year, both the study sessions and the F1 races have intensified, and so has the socializing with friends. Children are indeed ambassadors for relationships that (I hope!) will last a lifetime, and at this stage, the awareness that nothing in life is guaranteed or forever helps to put agendas into perspective, and I think that we said yes to all the programs and opportunities for socializing. We were already a bit like that, but now that I'm in my comfortable office in Parede, still affected by the Pacific time zone, I realize that the last few months in California are still going to be processed, given the amount and intensity of beautiful experiences we've had.

Week of living wheels and once again another incredible weekend with unlikely friends from Laguna Beach, Luis and Gerry, and their Gabi, in Big Bear, betting everything on building memories for everyone. Wonderful cabin, food, and easy conversation as if we'd always known each other, the kids in sync, hiking and building shelters just in case, and picnics in nature.

The girls made a point of saying goodbye personally to ALL the teachers and staff at the schools they went to, and Matias explained to us in the last week of school that next year he'd rather stay in TK (where he was this year), because leaving his Mrs. Barr is out of the question. If his friends move up a year, he's not interested. He's keeping his Mrs. Barr, according to himself. Swallowing hard. Us and Mrs. Barr.

We are following them closely and promise to keep in touch with these people from whom we have had the privilege of learning so much.

The last day of school for them, the first day of an intense summer course for me, a wonderful group of students, (Portuguese and American students are a real delight), Matias on his own on a bike without wheels on the way home, and in the evening a bonfire on the beach with the teachers, more dear friends and memories growing fond.

The world is increasingly incredulous about the policies of the new administration, and protests have begun to break out in Los Angeles. Despite my apprehension about the consequences of protests, I have to confess that the fact that they've started in Los Angeles makes me a little proud, and is in line with the bewilderment in this state and in our hearts.

I confess that when I'm less into globalization, I think that if California were a country, it would not only be a world power in every sense, but also the country with the coolest philosophy of life, easy vibes, fantastic climate, and the most (very!) diverse paradises I've ever known. I like this place and this community where we landed two years ago.

In Seal Beach, there were also protests where we met some of our people. Great Seal Beach. Not capitulation.

We were missing Universal Studios to complete all the theme parks around here, and both the Super Mario and Harry Potter attractions were among our top favorites. Maria, who has been saying lately that she wants to come to Disney (a strange future project for someone from Portugal, but not at all strange for someone from Southern California), and who has found inspiration in one of our people, and looks like she's really going to choose a path that takes her into the field of engineering (thanks Janet!), reinforced the idea that Disney is unbeatable in terms of user experience. She says she wants to learn from them, whether it's how to manage lots of people, processes, experiences, flowers - the flowers at Disney are always impeccable! According to her, this is her goal at the moment. At first, when she started this conversation, it seemed bizarre to imagine Maria dressed as Minnie as a professional life project, and now it just seems like a logical and ambitious goal in equal measure. I don't know exactly how we're going to make it happen, but it'll be scenes from the next chapters.

Universal was checked, and we then radically changed the set for a weekend in Yosemite. According to the locals, it was an obligatory stop. We went with expectations set on a huge granite wall. It turns out that this wonder of nature is much more than that. We went on hikes, some of which were very challenging to convince our shorter legs to cooperate, but it was truly one of the most incredible experiences we've had as a family.

The photos don't have filters, but they don't reflect the brutality of the landscape. We loved it and we want to return to this place too.

We knocked them out. And before returning home, we went back to the Sequoias, which remain one of our favorite spots, and the most beautiful forest there is.

Weeks to start between the junior guards of the sisters, get-togethers with Mediterranean flavors, and to Portuguese flavors for the annual summer feijoada gathering with the community that Renata introduced us to, intentional refusal to call goodbyes/end of girl scout party/end of school year celebration / last gatherings. With each meeting, we were sure that luck and the ability to find really good people were always with us, all over the world.

For almost 3 weeks, EVERY evening/night was accompanied by the coolest people in the whole Seal Beach. I often say that I discovered the best Spanish in all of Spain. Well, it was the same in California. I'm sure the best Californians live in Seal Beach and are our friends.

To celebrate our dear Ellis, we spent the weekend in Ojai among the turtles. Top program, children in permanent contact with nature, protected turtles and an impeccable conservation project, more good socializing, and at the end of the party, we ended with the rescue of a sparrow! Beth didn't give up until she had satisfied the missionary spirit of these two friends who share, among other things, a love for animals. I'm so proud of them!

It was with every illusion that we welcomed our cousins and friends from Valencia for the final stretch in California. We opened the doors of our house in Seal Beach to them, even though our calendars couldn't have been more different - for them, vacation days on a trip we'd helped prepare; for us, a week of intense stress because it was the last one at work and of optimizing the finite time for the thousand pending plans. Even so, we managed to create an incredible weekend which, for us, tasted like a farewell to LA's iconic places in a pleasant chat between a generation of little ones who hadn't seen each other for months, but it's as if they'd seen each other the day before.

When they left for their road trip, they took with them the itinerary of our favorite places - the Sequoias, San Francisco, Monterrey, and Carmel, the breathtaking Big Sur, and once again Seal Beach. We said goodbye with smiles and hugs, happy to know that they were going to discover these treasures that have impressed us so much during these two years of American adventure.

The last week on campus, where I integrated so easily, tasted more sour than sweet. We still managed to intersperse it with a top program in Newport Beach, and it felt like a vacation for a few hours. Diving in the Pacific, breakfast for dinner, all cooking at the same time in easy comfort among friends who seem like forever. As always, we were the last to leave!

I don't think it's completely sunk in yet, and only the plans for future projects calm my heart. My aim for friends, coworkers, and students who are cute as well as smart is still impeccable. I cried several times a day all week. And in front of students?! unheard of, but that's what we have...

And so 2 unforgettable years of research, teaching, and pure joy on this wonderful campus come to an end. I am deeply grateful for every moment - especially for the students who inspire me every day with their passion, curiosity, and kindness.

A very special thank you to Jenny, my American version and partner in all things academic and more. Our symbiosis was something truly magical - from ordering the same food and drink to becoming the proud mothers of a growing group of best friends. I couldn't have asked for a better friend, colleague, and adventure companion.

Through our work in women's and pelvic health, I hope to help open doors to better care, deeper understanding, and real change.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to everyone who made this time so special. Here's to what's next!

And in this spirit, we told the children that before packing up our lives in California to return to Portugal, we all deserved the road trip we'd been planning ever since we realized that this country's monuments are natural. Before that, we left the children all together on a beautiful evening and ate the best Mexican food ever. What a wonderful evening... (thanks, Jenny and Colin).

Before we started our vacation, we went to give our favorite Kingston and co a hug. As we want them to remember what these two friends gave us and their families, we took the gift in the form of an album. It's an irresistible album, so both Kingston and Matias received one. We're going to miss this boy and his family very much.

We started our road trip at dawn towards Zion in Utah. Expectations were high, but, as with all natural monuments, the hikes and picnics in nature surpassed everything. Zion has, among other things, a river that we were able to climb thanks to the equipment our friends provided (thanks, Heather and Nate!), and it was an absolutely incredible adventure. We cycled through the park and did some of the most beautiful hikes I can remember, always in a spirit of team building.

The Narrows are imposing, the mountains seem to have an orange light inside, and the night sky is incredible. At the end of the day, we were always on our feet, but still accumulating wonderful experiences.

Before we left Zion, we still did the hike that for me was the hardest yet. In addition to the immense heat coming from the ground, the sun, the walls, everywhere, and the landscape of the Mojab desert being as beautiful as it was intimidating, I experienced the greatest panic of heights ever. Mind you, when I conquered my husband, I jumped into the water at Cala del Moraig without a problem (or almost!)... Anyone who knows it knows that it's only for the brave.

This time, the sensation of vertigo and the fear of seeing one of my ninjas fall down the hill was so real that I cried, clinging to Zion's slippery walls. Roller coasters, yes. Big heights, clearly not. Even so, the experience turned into a unison, "Come on, Mommy, you can do it!", which turned out to be beautiful, but I won't repeat it if I can.

Zion was followed by Bryce. It seems out of this world. The Grand Canyon is beautiful and the biggest of them all, no doubt, but for us, it had already been surpassed by Waimea Canyon in Hawaii, and now these parks, in our humble opinion, also surpass the famous one.

In addition to the immensity, the rock formations (which were apparently the inspiration for the "pig train" - our Disney's Big Thunder Railroad) are called Hoodoos and are really beautiful.

Fire-colored mountains that you'd swear were on fire inside, and a hike so hard that it was pilgrimage-style. It was a loop of: don't look up at what's left, just concentrate on the next bend, and your breathing, you can do it, I can do it, come on family, we can do it - it's almost here! (it's not! And the water's running out! And there's almost no shade, and I can't take it anymore! My knees hurt, and my shins, and my nose! My nose is so dry! I'm bleeding from the nose! Don't waste any more water! We're almost there! We're not far, let's go, family! WE MADE IT!!! And we drank water. And we just stood in the shade contemplating with our hearts ringing in our ears and the air burning around us. Even Matias calmed down after so many hours on the hike, in which we saw far fewer children than in all the others.

What a journey. What a powerful pilgrimage.

At night, the most spectacular sky of all, according to the brothers.

The parks are renowned for stargazing, and at 3 a.m., we were all on our way to a campsite to stare open-mouthed at the clearest Milky Way we've ever seen.

After Bryce, we headed for Capitol Reef. The road is one of the most iconic in the USA and is reminiscent of the movie Cars.

We arrived at the park and immediately realized that we were even more in the middle of nowhere than in the previous parks. As a surprise, we rented a Wagon to sleep cowboy style in the middle of the desert, with coyotes roaring in the middle of the night, deer passing within an inch of us, and an adventure just to get fresh water and go to the bathroom. Our children immediately started interacting with the family in the Wagon across the fire pit, and by the time we got back from the shower, they were all eating S'mores (delicious!).

On that beautiful evening, we met another family from Boston, with 4 children, all with names beginning with the letter M, even the dog Max, whose parents also got married in 2008, were doing exactly the same road trip, and even booked the same hotels as us! Coincidences aside, the children got on so well (and the children's parents too!) that no one wanted to go hiking or leave each other's side.

2 days and two nights went by in a flash, so we promise future meetings somewhere between Lisbon and Boston.

To end our road trip, we went for a "grand finale" and headed for Las Vegas, halfway between the desert where we were and Seal Beach. We managed to book the Bellagio, have access to the wonderful pools in this hotel that captivate with its gardens, and cool off before watching Cirque du Soleil "O".

The kids assure us that the cowboy camp-style wagon and the luxury of the Bellagio are their favorites in terms of stays. Nature adventures, outdoor hikes, powder, backpacking, and picnics are our favorites. Luxury doesn't bother us either, is the conclusion.

Las Vegas is controversial and has nothing to do with the family-friendly atmosphere that Pepi and I experienced when we first came as children. Even so, the entertainment on offer for adults is truly outstanding. We've been looking forward to Cirque du Soleil's "O" for more than 20 years, and it must have been the best-produced show we've ever seen. Absolutely incredible.

To finish off, we had lunch at one of Las Vegas' delicious buffets, said goodbye until one day, and headed for Seal Beach. I think this was when we started to feel nostalgic about the proximity of our departure. Before that, we made a technical stop to photograph the 7 Magic Mountains in the scorching heat - 49 degrees Celsius feels like 63.

We arrived in Seal Beach just in time to celebrate Zoe, sell the sofa, and the triple bunk bed. All on the same day! In addition to the festivities, we came equipped with Mexican food, and so, in the whirlwind of de-cluttering/packing that began immediately after our return, we managed to get everywhere and keep the family nourished and hydrated! Lucky us!

Matias, who was expecting to see his Mrs. Barr (who was ill) at Zoe's party, tried to send her a message.

Stay strong, heart!

In this heart-wrenching phase, what struck us most was the generosity and availability of the family we chose on this side of the world. We had already noticed that the style of questioning practiced here is very effective. From "Would you please let me know how I can help?" we moved on to more specific things like, Can I organize a dinner party? What stresses you out the most? - Can I help with that?, Do you need a car? a break in the week of total craziness to decompress? Rides on the day of departure? extra hands to pack things, empty rubbish/house/belongings? Keep some of your things? plants? armchairs? everything that's still practically new and we can't transport? farewell dinners? Who do you want to invite to join us? More help carrying suitcases? Snacks for before and during the trip?...

The exercise of accepting help isn't immediate, but in this undertaking in record time - of completely dismantling a house to leave the apartment impeccable and empty, packing up the life of 2 years, and setting off - we accepted everything that was offered to us, we learned a lot from it, and we could never have done what we did without all these people who we will miss so much... We still can't process so much affection and generosity.

Gradually, we found the house emptier and emptier, Matias getting more and more disconcerted every time something came out of the house. He'd say, "No bed, no sofa, and now no table and chairs? Are you guys out of your minds? This is our home, stop it! Please stop it!

Mercedes was angry (especially with me), saying, I don't want to choose anything, I want to take EVERYTHING! Everything I own, I like A LOT! I DON'T WANT TO CHOOSE, let alone throw my things away!

Maria playing strong, telling her siblings that we're not going to throw it away, that Annie and Gabi are going to use everything, the clothes and the toys, and they'll remember us, so it's even better than transporting and accumulating things in Portugal that we can't use all at the same time, and that everything will be fine! And then she collapsed in our bedroom at night, saying that she doesn't even believe everything she tells her siblings and that she's having a really hard time during this phase. And that she's not so convinced that everything is going to be great! Or easy! And not everything will be fine.

And it's amazing how much this girl (and everyone!) has grown in two years, and the maturity that each of them has developed in letting go of physical things.

The squared armchair, all the plants, the cake tins and carriers, the magic soup wand, our wagon, the mega cooler, the lights of various shades, the fanciest tupperware, our bicycles, and the beach towels were particularly challenging to leave. Those who received them know that they have so many good memories attached to them that they will take good care of these things, which are just things... but they were ours.

In an attempt to clear the air, we returned to Disney, and it was a day to invest in memories. In the queues, we had the chance to savor all the pixie dust we've been blessed with and give thanks.

Once again, we were the last to leave Disney, and no one wanted this day to end. Thank you once again, dear Janet.

On the final stretch, Maria had a surprise party with her troupe of friends (the organizer's father ran out at 6 am to book one of the fire pits for the night - impressive!), her parents and daughters organized the rest, and Maria was overwhelmed.

Needless to say, we broke records for laughing and crying on loop, without being able to say anything eloquent other than Thank you.

That same afternoon, our people got together and prepared an evening that was as sweet as it was hard.

This is undoubtedly the post I'm having the hardest time writing (I started almost 2 weeks ago!), among other things, because I need to blow my nose between paragraphs, and this is one of them, dammit...

Phew... nothing really eloquent to add. Thank you so so much...

We returned home feeling like we'd been hit by a car, in the best way posible. And we fell asleep where I started this post, in the middle of the chaos. We kept packing up everything and having dinner at friends' houses, making plans for the future, which at the moment is what calms the heart, trying to maintain an impossible routine, saying goodbye to everything and everyone (goodbyes and torture could perfectly well be synonyms), and selling our car on the eve of departure.

That day, the day before we were due to leave, I received a message from one of my friends in the condominium saying that they were waiting for Mercedes and Mel in the park. Surprisingly, our neighbors and their dogs had prepared a mini party with snacks for the trip, balloons, and presents for Mercedes and Mel, to celebrate this duo who will also be missed...

Stay strong, heart!

We sold our tar-eating machine, it cost a lot of logistics and a painful farewell (it's just a car, ok? but it's our California car, and we love it so much...), we went to pick up Ellis' grandfather's pickup. Thanks, Beth...

We had dinner at In-N-Out, ate the usual ice cream, and reproduced the first photo of this blog, which began as a way of reporting news that we systematically repeated to Portugal and Spain, and has become a collection of memories of this adventure.

If I could, I'd rewind time by two years and live it all over again. Such a rich experience of everything...

On the day of departure, my heart was racing, Colin loaded part of the pick-up with Rodrigo, we were supposed to face these farewells with the Bagwells as "mature adults", but no, that was not the case... The Richmonds arrived with a super fit teenager who helped with the rest of the loads, Heather and Nate made everything easier with their systematic "Gotcha" response, they helped with everything needed, picked up Beth who took a vacation day to make sure she was with us, and we picked up Ellis who waited a long time to come with us to the airport. All with the easy vibes characteristic of this place and a spirit of mission, we kept to the schedule.

We closed the door on our house in Seal Beach, with no chance to linger or process much. Without all the help we had, we wouldn't have made it. At this point, eloquence isn't even possible. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

We arrived at the airport with more than enough suitcases and boxes, backpacks that exceeded everything reasonable in terms of weight and number, bags of snacks, last presents, Matias' baby carriage, 3 children, and a dog that looked like a pro in airports.

The gentlemen at check-in were lovely. We checked in 18 suitcases with no problem; they ignored the excess weight, allowed Mel to come with us in the cabin, and wished us all the best on our return to our hometown.

We finally said goodbye to Ellis and Beth, the mature adults who don't apply to any of us when we say goodbye, and we boarded the plane with our bodies aching with gratitude and the kilograms of memories and luggage to return to Portugal.

We came on a direct flight with TAP with tasty food and friendly staff (I hope this bridge between LA and Lisbon continues), landed safely and sound, retrieved all our luggage, passed the veterinary check, and hugged the grandparents. When Mel saw her grandparents, she ate both of them with kisses.

The heart that was aching so much from saying goodbye immediately began to ease with these hugs. Thank you, grandparents. And with the familiar sounds, smells, and tastes of our home.

I've already dived into the Atlantic, I've already given my parents a few more hugs, and hugged more of our people, I've already made plans for many more, I've already remembered why I missed this wonderful corner in Cascais so much, I've already eaten sardines and clams à bulhão pato, I've already met friends in the street without planning it, I've visited nests where I'll be arranging easy dates, and I've had Hugo's soup brought to my house because Mercedes had a fever and started vomiting the day before she went to see the new school, and she was green when she hugged Ana, who hadn't seen her since Christmas.

I've already realized that it's wonderful to be back.

I've realized that it's painful not to be in Seal Beach.

In an early morning conversation with Pamela (jet lag and insomnia be damned), a wet swimsuit came to mind. Few things compare to riding fresh waves in the sea, and we spend the whole year counting down the days to summer. After the beach, wet swimsuits, sand, and salt are anything but comfortable. Being at home, safe, without having to justify obvious premises in visa applications, enjoying so many Portuguese wonders and hugs is indescribable. At the end of the day, not returning to Seal Beach is also hard to describe. It's as uncomfortable as a wet bathing suit at the end of a wonderful summer's day.

Mercedes asked (as always!) if we belong a little bit to California, or if we're just from here. Whether the fever and vomiting she had could be nerves from leaving, or whether it was some bug that had hurt her. Whether we'll remember everything, whether they'll remember us, and when we'll return to Seal Beach. I've been telling them that if we want to calm our hearts and not be stuck in limbo between being uprooted and wondering where our roots are, we can decide that we're citizens of the world, and that's fine! We can be from various places or have the places in us. Given the amount of time they've lived in Seal Beach, especially at such a young age, being Portuguese, with a Spanish rib, and traces of California is apparently the most reassuring thing for them at the moment.

The heart hasn't calmed down yet. The cultural shock of readaptation still seems to be setting in. For now, the most shocking thing is the scary driving style and the ridiculously small parking spaces. I've thought we were going to have accidents 327 times since we arrived, and I've thought my car won't fit anywhere a few times.

From someone who has been through this rough and tumble with family comes the warmth: "It's hard, but you get through it. Accept the change, keep an open mind, and try not to compare. Appreciate the good things. If we can get to Lisbon before school starts, we'll hug each other." Thanks, Mónica. If not, we'll go to Madrid, which suddenly feels like a short 5-hour drive. It's a promise.

I'm certain that we're still going to have a pilgrimage ahead of us, with everyone having to adapt to everything again, and that some things can be adapted to immediately, others not so much. In any case, I also know that we'll get through whatever we have to. As always.

Liking California so much is not synonymous with liking Portugal or Spain less. This is clear to us, but sometimes it doesn't seem clear in our sharing. Several places fit in our hearts... we went at the right time, because we wanted to. We came back (it seems to me) at the right time, because we also decided to. And we want to return to Seal Beach as often as possible. And we also really want to show off the wonders of our little corner to the most impeccable Californians who are our friends.

To calm Mercedes down, I told her that a bit of California belongs to us (what a luxury!) and it will last forever. There are more difficult places to be a visiting scholar, I once heard at a meeting.

And now I know there are easier places to get out of. Stay strong, heart!

If I could, I'd live it all over again. I'm glad we embarked on this adventure and that I wrote these 26 posts. What a beautiful two years.

Thank you for following us here.

See you soon.